What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
