Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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