is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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