I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
