I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
