I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
