I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
