addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Randomize
