Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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