come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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