Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
