i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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