I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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