He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
