Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
