dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
