I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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