we have officially lost it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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