forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
