She's like a pop up book from hell.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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