I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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