I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
