k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
