just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
