Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
