peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
