I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
