It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
