I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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