I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
