They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You were trust falling into bushes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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