I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
