I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
we should paint friendship bongs
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