weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it because I queefed?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
