I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
