Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
