what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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