Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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