it was like his penis was on wheels.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
