Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
