Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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