Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
