Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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