Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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