Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
