I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
