Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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