I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
