Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
there is glitter all over my balls
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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