I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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