Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
